I don’t know where to start to update, so I”m going to start with the latest that’s going on.

 

Still grieving Lily (as I’m sure I always will), but I’m feeling alive again.

 

I had another echocardiogram a couple months ago to check on my murmur. When I went to get my records for social security the hospital included the cardiology report. Someone I know, who is a nurse, read it and explained it…. NOT OFFICIALLY! The understanding of it is that I have two small murmurs, and I have some enlargement of my heart. Now, whether this is lupus or not, and what level of concern this is, I’ll find out on Sept. 11. 

I’m still on prednisone because I ccan’t go below 5mg without neurological symptoms starting up. I’m pushing for a neuro work up when I see my rheumy.

I’m having a ton of foot pain…. the doctor I saw at the walk-in clinic thinks it is from my lupus, attacking the stationary joints in my foot. Xrays have been taken and I’ll find out more on the 11th. 

 

Lupus just seems to be out to get me, even when I’m on 3 meds strictly for putting it into remission 😦

 

The kids are great. Gamer started HS this year, and Duckling is in her last year of elementary school.

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Abilify makes me sick, so today I stocked up on tummy remedies. Ginger Brew, 7Up, soda crackers, chicken noodle soup. Hopefully they help! (Also seen on twitter, which I copied and pasted it from.)

I have no idea how consistent I’ll be, just so you all know, but I am back to blogging here!

I’m off the haldol (It caused some scary shit that is mostly cleared up now and wasn’t all in the paperwork they give you, I’ll go into more detail when I can get to my journal), and on Abilify.
Not sure it’s doing anything for me yet, what I’m feeling may just be the result of going off the haldol.

Side effects from the abilify have included nausea/vomiting, sleep problems (which are clearing up now) and restlessness.

If it works for my bipolar I can deal with it!

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On the lupus front – not so good. I’ve got to get a rheumatologist again. Nothing new, just lots of pain from the weather, and a need for more aggressive treatment so it doesn’t get worse. In the same boat with fibro.

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Endo – my ovary is waking back up from it’s 2 to 3 month nap due to the haldol (I didn’t ovulate while on it) and is making me hurt pretty badly.

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Grief – here’s the big one. I’ve acheived peace most days. I’m still sad, I still miss her, I always will, but there is a calmness about it all..

So I’m getting ready for my 5th in about as many months….

The ones that seem to work either don’t make it through the hormones on my period, or I get too much serotonin and end up having all sorts of issues with acting out my dreams physically.

And the risperdal works for my mania, but not my depression. I can up the dose a bit more and still sort of function, and maybe it’ll help my depression, but I’m too tiny for much more in my system.

We’ll see what comes next…. I’m going in this week to start the paperwork for abilify since that’s why my doc had mentioned as the next possibility…. hopefully I can get it free or really cheap or I can’t even try it. :/

Now trying Lithium out for a mood stabilizer….. it’s not doing fun things to my stomach, but at least although there haven’t been changes that have been too noticeable yet, my anxiety does seem to be a little less. I’m also feeling a bit less depressed, but that could just be that my hormones have shifted.

On the IUD/endo front things are… interesting. The good news is that my periods are much lighter, almost to the point of non-existent as far as bleeding goes. The bad news is that this month I’m having a terrible period pain wise….. yesterday was the worst, but today hasn’t been fun (though I have managed to just get by with OTC meds today for pain)….

For those who don’t know, I was on a new mood stabilizer when I saw my doctor last (lamictal) as the seroquel started causing more and more twitching issues.

I had to go off of the lamictal about two weeks into it due to my lupus symptoms being worse (which the lamictal can cause…. well, technically it causes lupus like symptoms in lupus patients, but whatever, it made me feel worse with my lupus!) …. and I ended up having side effects that can be quite severe….. but I also had a virus at the time, which are the exact same issues as the side effects I had going.

My psych at this point can’t get me in until Sept, and she doesn’t want me seeing any provider except her until we figure out the right mood stabilizer. So I’m going to start the lamictal tomorrow and give it a second try. I’m not sure what will happen, and I’m pretty freaked out, but I also know that I need some type of mood stabilizer. I hadn’t realized it was helping until I went off of it and started cycling more again….. so obviously it was doing something with my thought processes and actual moods. Hopefully it works out better this time!

I’m on the cancellation list to see my psych sooner if an appt opens up!

We officially changed my diagnosis today.
I was told last week that I was bipolar, today I was changed from Major Depression to Bipolar II with depression in the computer.
My meds have also been changed again…..

Before I go any further…. I am talking about MY meds…. I am not a doctor, I’m not offering any advice, I’m not saying anything about how anyone else should treat any type of bipolar, depression, or mental health issue.

Seroquel is not an acceptable med for sure…. FOR ME!

I’m now on Lamictal for the depression, staying on the Celexa for now, and on Ripresidal when needed if I start getting manic.