It has been since the 12th that I last wrote in my food/migraine diary about having a migraine. That’s the day I took the Excedrin Migraine and stopped it in it’s tracks. I had starting signs for one on the 17th, but after more rest it went back away. Today I have one again. I got really nauseated last night (couldn’t even finish my sandwich) and took an anti-nausea pill, slept from a bit after 3am until sometime around 7:30 am, at which point I woke up starving, had some breakfast, went back to sleep until 10:45 am or so when our neighbor who loves playing music (with LOADS of bass) very loudly woke me up, at which point I realized I had a migraine going. Two hours later the pain is manageable and more like a normal headache (though I’m sure if I don’t keep pain meds in me it’ll be a migraine again), with the help of most of a can of coca cola (yay caffeine…. ugh) and one half of one of my prescription pain pills. I have been keeping a food diary since the 12th, and also keeping track of pain levels, and any treatments I do for headaches, keeping track of meds I’m taking and when, and anything else that seems to contribute to my migraines (such as using the phone when it’s got white noise on the line, like I had to this morning when I called the landlady about our neighbor, and like last night when I had a quick phone call to make)… I notice if there isn’t static or other noise on t he line I can talk without it giving me too much of a headache, but if there is any noise on the line besides the person I’m talking to I’m prone to start having headaches. I have 3 foods I currently suspect for linking to this migraine. First is hotdogs, primarily because my pain shot back up not long after I finished having left over mac & cheese with hot dogs in it awhile ago, and we had that for dinner last night too, nausea started a couple of hours later. I had been craving corndogs about a week and a half ago…. and looking back at my diary/journal I had pretty much constant headaches (though not generally migraines) while eating those frequently. So that helps with my suspicion. The hotdogs are also a different (and cheaper) brand than the corndogs we buy (we’re corndog snobs … at least as far as what you can buy at walmart lol… they need to be one of two brands, the names of which I can’t think of… but they are the more expensive ones as the cheapies are gross…. hotdogs we’ll go cheap with though)… so that could be the cause of why hotdogs give me migraines, whereas corndogs just give me nasty (constant) headaches. My next suspect is Beef… which I’ve been trying not to eat as much of anyway. I have been having hamburgers again lately, so it’s been in my system more again. The third (and most sad) is chocolate. I still haven’t worked out what the link is there. I do know that I had been doing fine with small amounts of chocolate, but yesterday I had a bit bigger piece, and a different kind than I’d been having, and I”m having a migraine again. I think though, that it’s a coincidence with the chocolate and my headaches since I don’t always get a headache, let alone a migraine after eating it… but if I’m going into a migraine I crave it (and do pretty well not having it at that point, yesterday I wasn’t craving it, I just decided to try a piece again after not having any for a few days)… so we shall see… I’m continuing this food journal thing. Another thing to note is that this is the first migraine I’ve had since I started bleeding with the miscarriage…. I don’t know if that is linked or not… I know hormones were definitely causing some of the issues, so it could be. :/

I just tried to cook some eggs because I’m hungry and that’s what sounded good. I fail at cooking eggs, always have… though I’m getting better at fried eggs. But no, I didn’t want them fried I wanted them scrambled!!
Which made me think of other eggs…. The ones that are supposed to be turning into embryos, then babies? They fail too. More accurately it’s my uterus and/or immune system that fail probably… don’t know the reason for the miscarriages, but they were far enough along to have started developing, so obviously they weren’t just failed implants (which wouldn’t have been noticed)….. GRRR! I’m a bit angry tonight at the whole situation… hell…. I’m PMSing or having something hormonal going on, so I’m just pissed off!!
Which makes me think of a funny conversation with a friend earlier:
Me: I’m PMSing HARD right now
Friend: 😦
Me: I’m going into bitch mode lol… I think I’ll stay away from blogging and forums and other places on the Interwebz!
Friend: lol good idea
Other conversation of places I should avoid online (like places that people I know and don’t necessarily agree with’s sites) takes place
Me: especially the last one? 😛
Friend: lol no comment
Friend: i want to keep breathing
Me: lol I won’t bitch at you
Some other conversation of safe things for me to do (myspace bulletins and so on), as well as unrelated conversation
Friend: well i’m gonna get to bed
Me: ok sleep well
Me: hope you can sleep!
Friend: thanks, i’m starting to nod off so don’t think it’ll be a problem
Friend: you have a good night
Friend: no breaking things or killing people unless you check with me first
Me: lol k
Me: expect texts >.>
Me: for permission
Me: lol!
Friend: LOL
Friend: expect the 20th response from me to be something “i don’t give a damn jenny, just kill em all!

Edit: So after the failed eggs I tossed some frozen pancakes in the toaster oven, following the directions on the box… easy to make right? WRONG they had to be tossed into the microwave to finish cooking, even though they were in there the proper amount of time at the proper heat….because they didn’t cook all the way.
Of course the pan I used for the eggs is a bit warped now (the bottom isn’t flat anymore … it was a cheapy) and Johnny guesses that was the issue there. And I don’t know what to think about the pancakes, but my guess is that since they’ve been in the freezer for months now they were more frozen than the instruction writer expected……
Either way, not a good night for food.
Thankfully Johnny picked up cottage cheese for me as I’d requested, so I have that to snack on! 🙂

Ok, let me preface this by saying I’m in the middle of my period, and it started out of nowhere, through birth control and with a short cycle…..
Over all I’m doing pretty well with the miscarriages. I’m definitely a ton better than before Christmas, and so on. However, I should be somewhere in my 9th month of pregnancy now if I hadn’t had the first miscarriage, and although overall I’m doing ok with that fact, it still stings at times. I would have been due somewhere right around the last week of February if I’ve done the math right the many, MANY times I’ve done it. It isn’t easy to realize that fact, but it doesn’t hurt as much as I would have expected it to…. probably because I’ve had long enough since I was last pregnant that pregnancy isn’t running through my mind as much now… and we’ve stopped trying so my focus isn’t on pregnancy. It’s been mostly on taking care of me, taking care of E, and getting rid of these stupid headaches.
On the headache topic – as long as I take my Plaquenil twice a day like I am supposed to (I’ve only missed one dose since the beginning of the month) they aren’t as likely to turn into migraines, but they are still bad headaches that are there almost constantly. With vicodin I can get the pain down to around a 3, and when they get really bad I also take an alleve (which overall I’m avoiding due to the digestive issues that run with me taking NSAIDs) which helps bring the pain down to about the same level. I’ve been getting breaks in the pain, not frequently and not for more than a couple of hours, but I have been having breaks from the headaches finally! These breaks started somewhere around a week ago and I’ve had 3 of them.
On the topic of E – His pain is extremely bad tonight. I took him his morphine almost two hours ago and he’s still in bed unable to get up due to the pain. An hour ago I took him a vicodin (his doctor has him on morphine consistently and vicodin for breakthrough pain) and he’s still really hurting. I wish I could take his pain away. I don’t care if I’d have to feel it myself if he just weren’t in so much pain. It’s so difficult watching him hurt, and understanding chronic pain, even if I don’t understand his exact form of pain, makes it even more difficult because I know that although it becomes less with the meds (usually) it doesn’t go away, and I know how difficult that is. He had wanted to be out of bed almost two hours ago, so I took his meds to him and started waking him up, and he has been unable to get the strength and lessened pain to be able to get out of bed. 😦 I would take his pain on myself if I could to make him feel better, and I know he feels the same about my pain. It’s just so hard to watch the one you love suffer. 😦
As I mentioned I’m in the middle of an unexpected period. My PCP and I have agreed that we think the Nuva Ring will be worth a try to see how I do… I just need to make it a couple more months until I can go back off the blood pressure medication for awhile (which isn’t making enough of a difference for me to want to continue, but I want to try it through the whole winter and see how it goes) and start trying again, if the rest of my health is in order. He (my PCP) tried to recommend an IUD for me to see if it would help with the endometriosis, but we both agreed that is definitely a long term investment, and I’m hoping that going back off hormones (or changing them) will bring my health back a bit better and I’m hoping to potentially start trying for a successful pregnancy again in a couple of months, so we’ll see what happens. Obviously though this birth control pill is not for me. And although we agree with my rheumatologist that the migraines are due to my lupus, we aren’t wanting to up the estrogen content on a pill any further. I know that I can’t do progesterone only birth control pills or shots, so the Nuva Ring is our next method to try. If these migraines and nasty headaches continue for more than another month or so (Dr. Rheumy is unconcerned unless they go more than a couple months) I will be going off the birth control and blood pressure medication… this is my own decision, which will be discussed with both doctors when the time comes… but I want to go back to the basics if they continue… and since both of these were started within a couple months before the serious headaches started I’m not convinced they should be continued if the headaches continue, I want to go back to where I was before all the changes and see if I can get my body a bit more under control. Those two things and cutting out beef (mostly, other than the rare meal with hamburger) have been the only real changes in my life other than a couple stressful situations which have been cleared back up. When I was just on Plaquenil I was not doing great, but I was definitely better than this. And since I can’t take the blood pressure medication without being on birth control (other methods don’t work for us for a variety of reasons) both are going to have to go. I will be sad to go back to having my fingers not work with the things they put on your fingers in doctor’s offices to check O2 levels (and pulse?)… but that is about the only thing that has noticeably improved while on the blood pressure medication (which was supposed to help my Raynaud’s a lot more than it has) so I’m ok giving that up to get back to feeling a bit better. Going off of those medications is not guaranteed to improve my health, but I want to at least give it a try.
I had other things I wanted to talk about but I can’t remember what so I guess this is the end for now lol! 🙂 I’ll do another entry at some point with an update on things.

Further proof it was a miscarriage, my hormones are doing some major changing to go back to whatever “normal” is for me.
I’m having nightmares again, though so far they have been unmemorable. My headache is changing to an even more obviously hormone headache… and nothing seems to be controlling it. My interstitial cystitis flared after one bowl of spaghetti today, when normally I can go through a pot of it (same spaghetti sauce) without it bothering me, or it only bothers me as I get towards the end of the pot. This was a fresh pot of spaghetti and I haven’t been eating anything else that flares me. And my emotions are haywire… and I don’t mean just grieving haywire… I mean all over the place and a mess. 😦

Oh those household chores can be wearing….
So today was payday. E did a bunch of the shopping after he got off work this morning, so that we at least had food to get through today, and some extra stuff, so that it will last us a few days if we don’t get back out to do shopping right away. After I was awake I went and deposited the money in the bank, and paid utilities. Rent will be paid tomorrow.
When I got back home from those errands we made a homemade breakfast. E made syrup – he took some maple syrup we recently bought and combined that with a simple vanilla syrup – water, vanilla and sugar… so we have maple vanilla syrup now. After he finished that he cooked bacon while I made french toast. When we all finished breakfast Duckling worked some more on learning her letters so she can learn to read and write, and Gamer played a video game on our XBox. E and I watched a couple episodes of Star Trek Voyager, after which he went to bed. I went with him for some cuddles, and we decided to have some “grown up time” as well….. especially since I’m right around ovulation, we decided we might as well try, it’s not likely anything will happen anyway, between my weight and the fact so far I’ve managed to get pregnant once and miscarried right away. If I do end up pregnant we’ll both be happy, and he’ll just have to help some more with the kids until I take them home. I started falling asleep while we were cuddling so he told me “Don’t fall asleep J, you have kids to watch…” so I grabbed my pillow and curled up out on the couch and rested (I never actually fell asleep, but my eyes were closed and I came close a couple times) until Duckling ended up wanting to cuddle, then I woke up and cuddled with her for a bit before they went to play outside. I’ve been up since then.
A little while ago I had them help me carry the trash that had been stacking up in the kitchen (hey, I’ve been sick and E has been working, plus our dumpster was pretty full, today was the day they come empty it) out to the dumpster, and we threw it all away. Then they helped me pick all the shoes up that were next to the front door (the entryway is part of the kitchen) and I moved the rest of the stuff out so I could sweep and mop. M is currently locked in Gamer’s room and the bathroom the kids share (it’s connected to both bedrooms) while the floor dries, and the mop is rinsed, rung out and drying in the bathtub in the master bathroom. 🙂 I feel accomplished, but that took a lot out of me, especially since yesterday was a bad flare day, as was the day before. I took 1/2 valium last night when I went to sleep (if the kids need me or if there is any odd noise in the house I’ll still wake up to it, but I sleep more soundly and feel more rested, I’m not constantly waking up just because the air from the fan hits me or whatever) and woke up feeling a lot better.
As I mentioned I was worn out by lunch time, but the resting took care of it, I now have a clean kitchen and am ready for another nap… just a few more hours until I’ll be in bed though, so I can live with it.
All in all I feel very accomplished! 🙂 (Just wish those few activities hadn’t taken enough out of me to make me wish for two naps just a couple hours apart…)