With a heavy heart I must say that my flare free period is over with my lupus and fibro. The good news is that I had either 3 or 4 days without it, and I *know* they can happen now, as the last time before this one that I had any truly pain free lupus time was when on steroids and trying to keep from having Lily, it lasted less than a week. The time before that was one day in June 2009. :/

At least I know they can happen without med changes (this time I had no meds added to my cocktail to change the flare!)….


Lupus can go “suck a f*ck!” (Thank you to the movie Donnie Darko for that line! Hmmm… I may have to turn that on to watch now!)

Anyway….. the last few days have been more active than I’ve been able to handle, especially with the fact I’ve already been flaring.

I’ve been sleeping a lot (which is always fun when in pain and having no pain meds…..) and today every time I’ve woken up I’ve been in a puddle of sweat. That’s one of the most gross things my body has done to me…. and I’ve got bladder and digestive issues…….

The sweating thing always bothers me a ton……

Anyway…. I just wanted to rant/whine about my stupid lupus flare. 😦

My arm is all bandaged up due to wrist and tendonitis issues, so I’m going to keep this brief.
I’ve been having problems with my whole right arm, but it’s slowly gone to where it’s just my right wrist and the tendons right around it. I’m wearing my wrist brace to keep my wrist from moving and an ace bandage around it all to keep my thumb from moving too much and aggravating the tendons.

On the emotional side of things I’m feeling really broken. I’m in a dark spot and not far from self harm (Don’t worry it won’t come to that, I’ve got an awesome husband and awesome friends I can talk to, and I also have proven I can survive)… it’s just a very dark spot.

The other issue is I’ve been having a (suspected) CNS lupus flare. I haven’t been diagnosed with CNS issues, but it fits with A LOT of what’s going on with me… and it explains my unexplained rapid heart rate. It also (it or whatever is going on) explains why I have such a hard time communicating at times. It goes past just fogginess and goes to I actually can’t get things said that I want to because I don’t know the words. I also struggle to think of how to phrase things, and get lost in sentences worse than normal.

So I’m just pretty quiet right now between typing being painful and all the confusion and frustration with trying t otalk. Thankfully for the most part the word dropping has cleared up, but I still am having trouble with sentences making sense… if I can’t read it right in front of me (like a blog post) I end up repeating things, or saying the same words at the beginning and end of sentences because I forget I already said them. I can’t remember what I said earlier, but basically I started the sentence with what I was talking about, got to the middle then said the beginning again (a little differently) because I forgot I’d already explained what I was talking about. And I’m really hoping this makes sense as I can’t think of a sentence to do it with. It’s not soemthing I can consciously do, so I don’t know if I’m explaining it right or not. :/

Anyway, that’s what is new here… I’ll get back to blogging when I am able again.