I have no idea how consistent I’ll be, just so you all know, but I am back to blogging here!

I’m off the haldol (It caused some scary shit that is mostly cleared up now and wasn’t all in the paperwork they give you, I’ll go into more detail when I can get to my journal), and on Abilify.
Not sure it’s doing anything for me yet, what I’m feeling may just be the result of going off the haldol.

Side effects from the abilify have included nausea/vomiting, sleep problems (which are clearing up now) and restlessness.

If it works for my bipolar I can deal with it!

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On the lupus front – not so good. I’ve got to get a rheumatologist again. Nothing new, just lots of pain from the weather, and a need for more aggressive treatment so it doesn’t get worse. In the same boat with fibro.

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Endo – my ovary is waking back up from it’s 2 to 3 month nap due to the haldol (I didn’t ovulate while on it) and is making me hurt pretty badly.

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Grief – here’s the big one. I’ve acheived peace most days. I’m still sad, I still miss her, I always will, but there is a calmness about it all..

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My wonderful husband is currently working on the final touches that I want done to get the blog ready for unveiling (a couple of addons I wanted and was unsure how to get until he just showed me, because I was trying to do it the complicated way). The new location is centralhive.com/autoimmunelife and it should be that for quite some time so we don’t go through me moving again. Centralhive is a domain we pay for every year and it’s just been sitting around gathering dust, so we decided we might as well put it to some sort of use. 🙂

So I take part in a few different online support groups… my primary ones being weareendo.org and wearelupus.org … I’m working on becoming more active on them again, I had been, but between being busy with the kids during the summer and the miscarriages and how my mental stuff was post miscarriages I closed in on myself. So I’m taking part more again. I also have an email group I’m in (a yahoo group, I get it delivered to me) and know of some forums. My friend Jen is currently looking for some online support groups for fibro and I sent her to wearefibro and to the forums from But You Don’t Look Sick and Chronic Babe but I wanted to get other suggestions for her as well. She is in the process of being diagnosed with fibro, and having a full rheum panel run (she’s on the way to the rheum soon hopefully) and she could really use support. So we’d both appreciate suggestions (you can comment on both of our blogs, I’d love to hear the suggestions, and I know she’s appreciate having them given directly to her as well) on that end. And since the topic came up I thought I’d ask my readers what your favorite support groups are, for any illness you may deal with. It doesn’t have to be fibro, or anything I deal with, I’m just curious what good support groups are out there for different illnesses! So if you want to talk about support groups please leave me a comment with any of them! 🙂

Grrr….. so I hate the thought of cutting people out of my life. I want to say that first and foremost. There are a lot of reasons I feel that way, including if I were to cut out everyone who ever irritates me I’d be pretty damn lonely and I know it. However, I also know I need to take care of me, and the stress some people bring just makes me worse. There are some people who either never seem to know the right thing to say or who just don’t even try. I realize I’m not going to have everyone’s support 100% of the time. I also realize that I need to try not to complain too much, I also realize people have other things going on in their lives. However, getting angry at me when I express that I’m hurting, or when I’m not cheery 100% of the time… that’s a bit ridiculous. I’ve been trying to stay positive, even while throwing up from the pain and getting very little relief from my pain pills… but I can’t control my attitude 100% of the time… and when I’m in pain and/or tired it’s even harder. And all of this pain also has the pain from the miscarriage tied up in it, because although the lupus pain may not be tied to the hormones, you can bet the endo pain (and the fact my endo is definitely worse) is directly related to my miscarriages. Lately I’ve done a pretty good job staying positive in spite of everything. And there are a lot of other things going on in our personal life that I can’t go into on here. So I’d say I’ve done an extremely good job with handling things… though I know a lot of it hasn’t shown on my blog, as it’s been spur of the moment comments and such on social media sites that I update a lot more often. I guess basically I’m tired of being torn down each time something happens and I stop being quite so happy. Over all I’m still managing to stay positive, if more whiny. There are just some people who rub me the wrong way, and who I rub the wrong way, which is a big part of the problem… we overreact to each other. And we either need to figure out how to stop overreacting or else I need to cut them out of my life. But that is such a hard thing for me, for multiple reasons, including that I don’t have any close friends (other than E) in this area, I cherish the friends I do have even if we don’t do the best job communicating all the time, and I’m really sentimental about the people in my life… I still miss friends I knew in Kindergarten and who I haven’t seen since elementary school. I also believe in second (and third, and so on) chances, though I know my ex husband would try to tell you differently. I hope people will change, and keep hoping. Or that they’ll start to understand, which I guess is what I was trying to say with the hoping people will change. Some of these people seem understanding, but then out of nowhere it’s like their whole attitude and all the compassion just go out the window. And the worst part about it is when they are people who have been there, but suddenly your (emotional/physical/mental) pain is less than theirs. Of course, I know I can act the same way sometimes (especially with the pain thing) so I try to give more chances because maybe it was just a bad day or whatever else. But it just reaches a point where it gets too exhausting, and where things are obviously just getting worse and worse. And at that point I still have to fight myself over whether or not to cut the people out, which seems ridiculous because obviously they are just making the situations, and my health, even worse. So I’m really struggling here about a couple different people as far as what I should even do. And I know no one can tell me what to do, but maybe some stories of how others have dealt with these (general) situations would help? I know two people I’ve talked to, who have been in my shoes, have told me to cut the people out of my life, and that it made their lives better when they did, even if it was painful for awhile. I just keep hoping these people will suddenly realize how they are acting though. 😦