Mid 2007 – 22 years old. Johnny and I start dating.

First three months of 2008 – somewhere in there we didn’t have the money for my bcp (we’re very limited on what we can use for birth control due to sensitivities on both our parts), and I ended up pregnant. Miscarried before we knew.

Oct 2008 Start having chest pains, end up taken off of birth control, and diagnosed with lupus, we start trying.

May 2009 Get pregnant for time number 2.

June 2009 miscarry the day before Father’s Day at around 3.5 weeks … I ovulate early in my cycle, so I get positive pregnancy tests around week 3 or so of my cycle.

Sept 2009 get pregnant for time number 3.

Oct 2009 miscarry at around 6 weeks, end up back on birth control.

February 2010 end up off birth control due to migraines, get pregnant for time number 4.

March 2010 miscarry again…. around day 30… hardest miscarriage physically. Visit OB that I was referred to, worked out a plan for getting pregnant again (she said I could after my next period), work out plan for meds to help keep the next pregnancy going.

April 2010 Get pregnant again.

May 2010 BFP! Call OB, get meds ordered (progesterone and blood thinner), do blood work. Go on bed rest when spotting starts. On bed rest for a week and a half. End up with UTI somewhere in there. End up in ER.

June 2010 On a trip to CA to visit family and friends and pick Duckling and Gamer up from their mom and step dad end up in ER again, put on pelvic rest (this was interesting when traveling with two kids by train and bus).

July 2010 Turn 25. Start seeing perinatologist. Have first ultrasound we get pictures from (previous ultrasounds done in ER). Am able to go off progesterone and blood thinner, put on aspirin. Kidney pain starts up a couple weeks before off the blood thinner. 24 hour urine test ordered.

August 2010 Kidney pain continues, do 24 hour urine test, and some more blood tests. At 20 weeks (very end of August) end up on bed rest and meds due to pre term contractions, milk coming in, and not doing well.

Sept 2010 Bedrest continues. Appts become every week to two weeks to check on how things are.

Oct 2010 still on bed rest.

Nov 2010 continued bed rest. Ended up in preterm labor. Had an appt with OB, was sent up to L&D (which is in the same building as the OB office) straight from the appt. We spent the rest of that day, all night, and early the next morning in that hospital, then were transferred to University of New Mexico via airplane, crossing the state border and staying in Albuquerque for almost a week. While in the first hospital I was on mag for almost the entire time (starting a couple hours after we were admitted). While on the mag Littlest’s (as she was called at the time, since we didn’t find out her gender until she was born) heartbeat kept dipping extremely low, I spent all night awake, ill, and trying to keep the heartbeat up and my baby moving around. When we got to UNM they did blood work and discovered I don’t process magnesium sulfate properly, and I was overdosed because I wasn’t getting it out of my system, but was getting mroe added. That’s why we were both so ill. I was having signs of OD, but the staff at the hospital we were at here in CO said it was just normal, and weren’t monitoring closely. By the time I got to UNM I was unable to think, barely able to communicate, freezing cold, and having a LOT of difficulty seeing. They took me off of it right away. After a few hours in their L&D department we were transferred to OB Special Care, and I was finally allowed to eat again, besides just Jello and liquids like broth. We had several ultrasounds on my cervix, and a few pelvic exams during this time, and I was placed on strict bedrest, not allowed out of bed except to urinate, let them change the sheets, and take showers (which I had to sit for). We were released and came to our new home, with my inlaws, where we were going to be able to have help with me and with finances, as things have been really tight for us for several months as Johnny’s hip ended up really bad, and Walmart fired him while he was on leave for it. The week after we got home, we were on the way to a follow up appt with my OB office when we hit ice in the vehicle we were driving and went off the road and off an embankment. Thankfully Johnny was able to turn the vehicle so we went down it backwards rather than sideways, which kept us from flipping and having a more serious accident. I ended up with a headache and some soreness from being jostled so much, and Johnny had whiplash and his hip hurt more because he hit it on the door as we went down the embankment.

Dec 2010 More bed rest, finally made it to 35 weeks and started moving around more. At 36w and a couple days (Dec. 23) my water broke while I had the flu. I had been taking in fluids as much as possible, and when I woke up from a nap I needed a rest room. The bathroom by our room was in use and I couldn’t get in because the shower (the only one in the house) was in use. As I went down the stairs (we live on the ground level floor by the driveway, the downstairs area is groundlevel with the yard, as we live on a bit of a slope) my water broke, but I wasn’t sure if it was my water breaking or just me wetting myself, as I’d woken up needing to go badly. It appears it was both. I came back upstairs and changed after that was all done, and sat in the recliner we’d moved into our room for me to be more comfortable. Each time I’d set back I’d get another gush of fluid, and I was becoming more sure it was my amniotic fluid, but wasn’t certain. After a few gushes of decent amounts of fluid (each time as I got comfortable in the recliner, thankfully my clothes kept it from getting to the chair) I was 99% sure that it was my water, but Johnny wasn’t convinced, so I finally ended up calling the on call OB and talking to him about it. He told us to get to the hospital, so we grabbed our bag, and the things that weren’t in it yet as we used them daily, called my sister in law back from work, and went to the hospital. A few hours after my water broke our beautiful, perfect (incredibly healthy, everyone was amazed except Johnny and I) daughter Lilith Faith (Lily) was born. We were able to bring her home the next day, which was Christmas Eve.

January 2011 Things were going great with Lily until we woke up January 5 and she was dead. It appears to have been SIDS, but we are still (6 weeks later) waiting on the autopsy results to find out for sure.

February 2011 Went back on birth control, rather than having my tubes “tied” (actually was going to use a procedure/treatment called Essure, which is unable to be reversed, and would have blocked up my tubes with copper and scar tissue. The hospital my OB works out of doesn’t allow tubals, and there aren’t doctors at our local hospital that we feel comfortable having put me under, if they’d even be willing to with my health). We are discussing trying again next year after we get passed Lily’s birthday and the anniversary of her death. Right now we are in a holding pattern on TTCing (or… just not TTCing), and are still in the process of grieving, which I suspect will be an ongoing thing for the rest of our lives.

April 2011 We found out the cause of death for Lily is SIDS…. on her death certificate it says “undetermined” which is the way they put it on death certificates.

May 2011 Had a Mirena IUD inserted to help keep the endo at bay until we are ready to try again.

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One Response to “My journey to be a bio mom”


  1. So sorry to here about your loss.

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