Kate at Busted Plumbing brought a new meme to my attention. This is the first week for the Saturday Snap Cup meme.
As The CEO puts it Saturday Snap-Cup is your chance to share a story of appreciation with your readers. Being positive one day a week instead of venting about how hard it is to sip coffee and gab with my girlfriends while our kids wreck whomevers house we are at be a mom is the least I can do! Share whatever you’d like–send a *SNAP* to your newest follower or favorite blogger, a *SNAP* to a stranger who gave you a compliment that made your day, a *SNAP* to a new lipgloss that makes you feel like a rock star, or even send a *SNAP* to your kids by sharing a picture of something they did that put a smile on your face!

This week I’d like to send a *SNAP* to my OB for including the kids in the appointment this week when we took them. They had a blast and are still talking about how great it was to get to help and to hear the heart beat. I love that rather than just letting them hear the heartbeat when she put the doppler up to my belly, they each got to do something with the appointment – Gamer with the doppler and Duckling with measuring me. She made all our days with that one move, and made the kids extremely glad they’d gone with us rather than them and Johnny staying at home so they didn’t have to do a long car ride. We didn’t even get complaints in the car, other than one question of how long it would take to get there, and we didn’t get any on the way home at all.

If you’d like to join us with this feel free to head over to

Continuing on from this post I went to bed after eating, though I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep right away between nerves, psyching myself up that things would be fine, and having to pee from all the fluids they gave me. I finally somehow managed to sleep for a bit before Johnny got home, then we cuddled for a bit and I slept a bit more until I needed to wake up and start making sure I had enough water in my system for the ultrasound (for some reason they wanted to do an outer ultrasound even though I’m not very far along, so it wasn’t likely to show up well), at which point my nerves went into overdrive. When I finally got to the hospital I was almost wetting myself, so I ended up going into the restroom while I waited and emptying my bladder part way before I was called back. It was a good thing because I barely made it through the ultrasound with the partially emptied bladder. We were able to see the sac, but I’m not super far along so we decided to do a transvag ultrasound to see if it would all show up better. So while I was changing the u/s tech went and grabbed a woman to stay in the room with us (the tech was a male) and she helped me get everything set up and covered so he could come back in and do his job. Then he had a screen set up so I could watch the ultrasound… it was sooooo cool! First we were not zoomed in very far, but we could see the sac more clearly. After that he zoomed in more and I got to see the heartbeat. At that point I started crying because it was so amazing! I’ve never made it that far before, and I’ve never had an ultrasound until after miscarrying, or when dealing with cysts. I think I worried the tech and the lady who was in there with us a bit because suddenly they were asking if I was alright, so I explained to them about the past miscarriages and never seeing this before, and the lady came over and held may hand and started pointing things out to me, it was soooo cool. I wish Johnny could have been there, but works was really rough on him Sunday night, so he was sleeping. He’ll be with me on Thursday when the ob does an u/s and we meet with her, so he’ll get to see it then, and he’s seen it before, so while he’s excited over our pregnancy, it’s not quite as big of a deal for him to see a heartbeat again. But he has been getting more and more excited, even as we are both feeling more and more cautious over everything. And of course I’m super excited. I have a lot of emotions going on as I’m that much more scared that something is going to go wrong the more attached I get to this pregnancy, but I’m also so extremely happy to have made it this far, I end up in tears every time I think about it, I’m extremely excited too! I can’t wait for Thursday whether the doctor does another ultrasound or not (I need to call and let them know I had one done and see if they want to do another or not), because I get to see and talk to my doctor and find out how she thinks things are looking. I think I’m also in shock about all of this, I never expected to see a pregnancy get so far, so while I’m extremely excited, I’m also terrified because I’m in such new territory. So there are a lot of emotions going on, but I’m pretty positive over all. There is a part of me that probably won’t accept that this is going to work until I’m actually in labor due to all that has gone on in the past, and that is trying to prepare me for the what if’s because I do need to protect myself some at this point since so much could still go wrong with the pregnancy, but I’m also super excited and positive. And that outweighs the rest of my emotions by far! 🙂
I think I’m going to check with the health department (I’m getting a few services through them) and see about getting some cheap or free counselling in town, since I definitely need it! I need it for a lot of reasons, but I really think it would help me process this pregnancy too… with all the emotions involved.

And on that note I’m off to lay down again… I’ll update more later… I’m still pretty worn out from all the missed sleep and all of the excitement. I know I had more I wanted to say, but it can wait for another post. 🙂

Before I say anything (and I’m guessing that at least to some of my readers this will give away what’s coming) I want to say to any face to face friends or family members who know us in person – if you are reading this news and haven’t heard it from me or Johnny personally please contact us before you get all upset, we have our reasons that this has been kept quiet, so please just let us explain and don’t start contacting other family members or friends to find out if they know, they may end up pissed off too, which is the last thing we need.

IFers and M/C sisters beware, this could be a tough post.

Ok…. the reason for my last post, and for my silence lately is that I’m pregnant. I’m currently almost six weeks along, and have known since the first Tuesday in the month. The last two weeks have been extremely rocky as I have had to go on extra hormones, I had super scary cramping… I also had the “normal” cramping and pelvic twinges and such that are just part and parcel with pregnancy, but I’m talking cramps that had me in tears and felt like the ones I’ve had with my past miscarriages. For those just joining in on the story this is pregnancy number 5 for me, no live births, which means 4 miscarriages so far (I hate having to add so far on there, but even with the treatments I’m still really scared this is going to end badly) and at nearly six weeks this is the longest I’ve ever been pregnant. Three of those miscarriages have happened in the last year – starting the day before Father’s Day last year, then one in October at 5 weeks (the only one I even had a suspicion of pregnancy with, also the longest pregnancy I had before this one), and one in March. The cramping got really bad over the first weekend that I knew I was pregnant (I wasn’t able to start my progesterone suppositories until right before the weekend, a couple days after the positive) and I put myself on bedrest. The following Monday I called my ob’s office and the nurse told me to continue the bedrest until I heard back from my doctor. A couple days later I still hadn’t heard back so I started really bothering the staff to get me an answer, they had another of the ob’s review my case and I was told to go ahead and go off bedrest. I was supposed to up my progesterone, but there just isn’t money right now (I’m working on getting on other insurance) and now that it is in my system more I’m doing better. Then, Saturday or Sunday I started feeling more and more like absolute crap. I think it was Sunday I had some leg pain (one of those side effects they warn you about as it could be a clot) and early Monday morning I started itching around my butt, so I scratched and found that the skin felt really odd, so I had Johnny look at it (this was during his lunch break thankfully) and there was a good sized rash going on. I also had been having some issues urinating, but the retention I was having was listed as a possible side effect, and the pain I was having isn’t unusual (especially since I got brave and tried to drink one of my favorite drinks a day or so before – lemonade) so I hadn’t thought anything of it. Johnny bought a baby “healing creme” for me and has been applying it and the rash looks a lot better, I think we are at the point that we can stop treating it, it’s not itching anymore and although the skin is still a bit discolored (I look bruised) it’s definitely healed up. Due to all of this they switched my progesterone from suppositories to oral, same med and dose just different way of getting it into my body. Hopefully this works and I won’t have to do any more switching of meds. They also told me to “drop by and do a urinalysis” and I replied with something along the lines of there is no dropping by your office… I’m an hour from you guys, so they sent me to our PCP office, which I did Tuesday (yesterday for me) morning when they were able to get me in. Once I got there they gave me a cup and I went and peed in it so they could run the urinalysis… it was pretty obvious to me when I was closing up the cup and putting it in the cubby for the lab that something was up… I won’t go into details, but it was really obvious. Johnny and I both had appointments, so we took care of Johnny’s appointment, after which his doctor looked at the results, said “you have an infection, does your ob want to treat it or should I”… I didn’t know so he gave me a rx (the one he always uses for pregnant women apparently) and I’m to verify with my ob’s office that it is how they want it treated and start on it. So it’s been an eventful pregnancy. When I haven’t been dealing with those things I’ve been pretty happy, but it definitely hasn’t been an easy couple of weeks, and due to my health and miscarriage history we’ve been keeping it pretty quiet…. even with the treatments they are doing (aspirin and extra progesterone) we’re still walking on eggshells and pretty nervous about the whole thing. I have my first prenatal appointment and ultrasound next Thursday, we’ll see what the results are… the u/s tech isn’t entirely sure she’ll be able to see anything at that point, but since I’ll be pretty near 7 weeks she thinks that there is a good chance.

I want to let my readers know I don’t know how much or how little this pregnancy will come up in my blog…. when I’m not sick (like with this infection) although the pregnancy is on my mind it’s not so much a topic of conversation for this blog because my AI issues seem to be in remission. Unfortunately the infection has made my lupus flare a bit more and me feel like crap, but that’s no surprise. I will be doing updates, I’m not sure how frequently. Any pictures will be in password protected posts and labeled so that no one has to see them if they don’t want to, as I know how tough it is to see baby bump pictures when you want one so bad and can’t get there. This is my space and I will post what I need to, but if it does get rough for you to see the posts please let me know in a comment or email and I’ll let you know when non pregnancy posts are up (with a link) so that you don’t have to keep checking my blog and seeing pregnancy news. I am wanting to write about the pregnancy, especially as things change with my health, but I also do know how hard it can be to read and am concerned about how the news will affect the friends I’ve made through this blog. I know on a forum/community I’m on that deals with all sorts of topics and has both fertiles and infertiles there is a pregnancy boom going on and we’ve had a couple of members needing to take a break, which … although I haven’t necessarily forgotten where I’m coming from, has made me think a bit more about what I’m saying… I want to share my happy news, and I do want to give updates in what is a high risk pregnancy situation, but I also don’t want to overwhelm those for whom this is a sensitive topic, so like I said just let me know!

I think that’s all my news for now…. Umm…. I can’t think of anything else for now.