June 2011


Today is the day of… interesting things. The truck kept stalling for me (just has to have the part that’s already been ordered put in), and Mom had to come get me from the town I was stuck in, which is bigger than where we live, and I was there for some appts, and play with the part we’re replacing, then George got herself stuck in a tree, then Mischief was left outside by very sedated me (the reason I’m not on Seroquel anymore is because of the fact I’m sedated without the positives) and I had to find him….. I think I’ll stay right here until bed time thank you!

We officially changed my diagnosis today.
I was told last week that I was bipolar, today I was changed from Major Depression to Bipolar II with depression in the computer.
My meds have also been changed again…..

Before I go any further…. I am talking about MY meds…. I am not a doctor, I’m not offering any advice, I’m not saying anything about how anyone else should treat any type of bipolar, depression, or mental health issue.

Seroquel is not an acceptable med for sure…. FOR ME!

I’m now on Lamictal for the depression, staying on the Celexa for now, and on Ripresidal when needed if I start getting manic.

I know I’ve posted Lily pics in the past, probably even the ones I’m posting now, but I share them every once in awhile because I like to have her on the front of my blog (I know there are other ways to make that happen, but this is how I do it)….

I just want to show my beautiful daughter again, and remind people SIDS is a real determination of COD, and it does happen… more often than anyone wants to think of.

There was no reason to think Lily would die, let alone at 13 days of age, and there was no reason found, hence the SIDS determination.

Bipolar is part of our lives intimately and officially.

I say intimately because I have other family members who are bipolar (have bipolar? how do you even word that?) so it’s already been part of our lives, but it’s now a much bigger and deeper part.

I saw my psych doctor yesterday, they got me in on an emergency visit with a cancellation because I’ve had more issues with the Seroquel, and have been having nightmares and such, so something needed to change. This was the first time I’d seen her since my manic episode the other month (well, depressed/suicidal, manic, depressed, back and forth) as I’ve been seeing her nurse the last few months. My Psych agreed with me that it is in fact bipolar, and not just other meds mixed with grief and PPD. Definite, clear manic and depressive cycles. Even on meds, though they aren’t as severe, they still happen.

We took my dose of Celexa down as antidepressants can cause mania to be more severe, and cut my seroquel dose in half. If I haven’t improved by Monday next week we’ll be changing my mood stabilizer. Hopefully one or the other will work, and I won’t have to try to find a way to change my meds again while we’re out of state with the kids.

Figured out the cause of my migraine….. I had been thinking since the gum was aspartame free when I bought the first packs at the start of last summer, that they hadn’t changed the ingredients in just a couple short months……. guess what….. they did. 😦 So my gum chewing is at fault. 😦 I HATE aspartame!

At too high a cost, but Still!!!!!

Yes, I have a migraine… as soon as the meds I took to knock myself out again take effect I will be going back to bed.

So… migraine super powers – super hearing and super sight…. I can hear things I normally can’t…. and….. I can see in the (mostly) dark a lot better than normal…….

I’d trade my newly found super powers to be free of this migraine though. 😦

This blog has become so much mroe than it originally was planned to be, and I really need to get back to working on it now that I finally am feeling more like myself again, and feel like my life is a bit more mine rather than Grief’s finally.

I want to write more about Babyloss, as I have felt for a long time, and feel even more strongly now, that it’s taboo and really shouldn’t be.

I also plan to do more writing about my health issues, not just from my experiences, but getting better info out there.

My other plan is to write more about sex ed, as I feel there is a lot that just isn’t known… I have friends and relatives who ask me questions about infections and pregnancy and things, and that knowledge needs to become more mainstream. Also about anatomy and how the body works, as I’ve only really started to understand in the past 4 years or so, and even now I’m still just scratching the surface, and these things really need to be understood!

And, I’ll likely write about sex and chronic illness and pain, and about sex with my specific health issues, and those posts will include personal things…. don’t worry, I will make it VERY obvious when those posts come up, so that no one who doesn’t want to know the more intimate details of our sex lives won’t have to…. this is something Johnny and I talked about a couple years ago and I’ve just never gotten around to… and I REALLY want to do those posts, as I feel these issues aren’t talked about enough!

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