Yet again my dreams turned to dead babies today. This has been happening more frequently than I want to think about since Lily died.
It’s destroying me.
Thankfully my dreams of Lily don’t normally involve her death, they are usually her as she was when she was alive, or as she could have been had she not died….
Yet again my dead baby dream was involving a child I was caring for. I had two babies I was caring for this time.
Now, I have no idea what normal newborns necks are like, beyond that they can’t hold up their heads and you have to support them. I’ve never held a newborn besides Lily, who was holding her head up within a short period of her birth, not perfectly, but you didn’t have to support it too much.
I had both babies in the bedroom and I was getting the bassinet (which looked as it does now… full of baby things like a car seat) ready for the newborn, who I was holding. The other baby (old enough to be rolling over) rolled himself off the bed …. I just remember thinking he’s dead as I tried to reach him before he hit the floor, at which point I woke myself up.