Lily should be 5 weeks old now, not ashes in an urn in our room.
It’s been just over 3 weeks since she died.
I still can’t believe it.
At times I’m numb, other times I am such a wreck I have to take two doses of anti anxiety meds to sleep (like last night, between Lily’s death and some other happenings I couldn’t sleep and had Johnny give me a pill while I was laying in bed trying to sleep. I then took another pill a few hours later)….
I don’t know how we are supposed to make it for years to come through all of this when neither of us have made it through the last 3 weeks easily.
We’re *still* waiting on Lily’s autopsy results. If we’ve not heard back by next week I’m going to start bugging the detective more frequently, and asking him to bug the ME, who should be bugging the lab…. we NEED answers, even if they are that there are no answers (aka SIDS). Part of me hopes for a solid answer on what happened, and part of me hopes we get the answer of SIDS because then we know there really isn’t anything we could have done, it’s an inexplicable death.

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