Two weeks ago my little girl died.

Those words only belong in fiction books. Well, they don’t belong anywhere at all, but if they must be it should be something made up. No parent should ever have to think them, write them, or live them.

She wasn’t even two weeks old! I don’t understand why or how something like this happened. I mean, I do, I know sometimes, for whatever reason, babies just stop breathing, but it just doesn’t make sense. Old people die, not healthy 13 day old children! Not children who have been worked for so hard. Not any kids, but…. why my Lily after everything we went through to get a pregnancy to stick, and to get her as close to full term as we did (almost 37 weeks)!

This isn’t right. It’s not fair, but since nothing is fair I never expected Lily’s life to be either.

I thought that losing her, waking up with her dead next to me, the time spent while we waited for help, and while they worked on her was hard, and it was, but surviving without her is even worse.

She should be here with us, alive.

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