I had my second counseling/therapy appt today. We’ve decided on a biweekly schedule.

We started out just catching up on the things that have changed in my life since we last met (Johnny’s job situation has changed, don’t want to go into it right now; the kids are back with their mom and stepdad; I’ve been put on more of a bedrest type thing, though I can still do things I’m to take it easy or I could end up on bedrest; I’ve been doing a lot of bottling of emotions; my anxiety has been higher). We ended up spending most of the appointment talking about my anxiety and ways to deal with it… she suggested breathing, distracting myself when the anxiety gets too big (though trying to deal with it in other ways first), NOT beating myself up over feeling anxious or depressed (I don’t do this quite as much over the depression when I’m feeling it, but I do over the anxiety, and after the fact with my depression… I start telling myself how silly I was for feeling upset over things, that sort of thing when I try to go do my other therapy/journaling if I wasn’t able to when it was happening), concentrating on the moment – doing things like focusing on the feeling of the keyboard under my fingers, or the blankets, or the music that is playing, that sort of thing, to relax myself. We ended up going into unexpected territory (things that we hadn’t planned on going into until after baby is born and my hormones are more stable again)…. we started talking about some of the reasons I feel how I beat myself up over feeling anxious or depressed, and that got into some family stuff before we got back on board with the original topic, but I think my counselor has a better idea of where some of my issues come from now, and we will be talking about them later on.
We went over the treatment plan she came up with, and started talking about the ideas the psychiatrist had for treating me as well… I see the psych in two weeks. It looks like I will end up being on some form of SSRI for the next couple of months, tapering the dose at the end of the pregnancy to help reduce the amount in the baby’s system so we don’t have to deal with the negative affects that happen for about 48 hours in some infants (don’t want my baby going through that, and my OB wants me weaned anyway), then back on them postpartum…. between my mental health history, the fact I’ve felt unstable enough to need to go back to therapy, and the fact I’m in several risk categories for postpartum depression this seems wise, though I am still iffy and doing research. I will definitely be on meds postpartum though, and will likely go with my psych’s suggestion, especially since before I even mentioned the possibility of meds to my OB (I mentioned that I felt I needed help and I’d be going to therapy) she said “If whoever you see feels that you should be on meds you need to go on a SSRI, and we’ll need to lower your dose before birth.” So it looks like meds here I come…. I admit to being uncomfortable with being on those meds during pregnancy, and it may not happen still, but…. I can see the reasoning behind having me on them, and I am looking at the research, and my counselor is going to find out what drug the psych wants me on and let me know next week… I plan to do research on the effectiveness with pregnancy, and the downsides, and come to the table with my own input if that drug has me too worried. I’ve been reading an excellent book about depression and pregnancy btw… and recommend it to anyone who is TTC or pregnant… ESPECIALLY if there is a history of mental illness, or if there are signs it may be starting…. The book is Pregnancy Blues (note to self – page 215 is where I’m at, I’ll check it back out later) and it has all kinds of info on depression in pregnancy, some on depression with infertility, a lot about depression in general, anxiety, and so on. Then in the second part it talks more specifically about types of depression and mental illness and the treatments (both pregnancy approved and not) for them, and goes into each different medication and the reasons they are or are not pregnancy safe and the ways to decide which med(s) to use and just all sorts of information. As I said, I HIGHLY recommend it.
I think that’s everything on that topic for now, not sure, I may come back and write more later, but I wanted to make sure I had a note somewhere about the topics we discussed today and what we talked about doing to deal with everything….