May 2010

So Johnny’s ex emailed with me the other day about the baby, and she told me she was praying for me and Littlest…. I like that for a nickname, so I’m now using it.

I’ve had a nasty migraine today. I woke up a couple hours after Johnny woke up and was at my computer for a couple minutes when nasty left side head pain started in my temple. I’m blaming hormones and the fact I’ve been eating lots of chocolate ice cream (certain chocolates seem to be triggers, and I never know which ones, though I avoid the ones I’ve already learned from the past), possibly my lupus as well, though other than the “fatigue” which is complicating my pregnancy tiredness it seems to be mostly back under control (Thankfully!!!!)…. so who knows. Either way my head hurts if I sit up for long, but I can’t sleep anymore (I’m getting bored and restless) so I’m watching stuff on Netflix while I lay curled up on the couch. I’m currently sitting at my computer while I drink a ginger soda to settle my tummy again, so I’m blogging and chatting with a friend.

My drink is almost gone and Mischief is sitting by my feet looking like I should move back to the couch, so I think I’m going to take his hints and I’ll try to post more again soon.

Mischief and I early morning 5/4/10

Johnny and Mischief 5/20/10

Between the fact I’m pretty exhausted and the fact I’m really annoyed today I’m annoying pretty much everyone and everything, so I’ll be back when I’m more calm (and awake)… comment replies are on hold for now as well.

I had my first OB appt of the pregnancy today. Johnny and I left just before 1 and didn’t make it home until after 4, so I’m worn out and hope this all makes sense.

She (Dr. P – my OB) walked in and grinned at us over the pregnancy! Then she said something like “See, I told you to get pregnant and it worked!” … Johnny and I both really like her. She sets us at ease right off, she always checks to see if we have questions or comments, she wants our input, and so on.

The plan is:
I will see an OB (not just a NP) every month. There will be ultrasounds performed at every appointment.
Sometime in July (once I’ve had another regular OB appt with u/s) I will see a perinatologist …. I will also see this doctor at 20 weeks (or so) and 28 weeks (or so)… the reason it’s not going to be exact is because we only have a perinatologist closer to us than 4 hours away two days a month. There is one who comes up from Albuquerque twice a month, if we didn’t have him we’d be driving at least 4 hours (each way) away to see one… this way we only drive about an hour each way. So we’ll be seeing him as close to 20 weeks as possible (though it will be at or after because of what we need to image at that appt) and as close to 28 weeks as possible, as well as sometime in July. My OB will also be working with him on my case due to the lupus and the fact I’ll be going onto heparin shots next week some time. The reason we have to be past 20 weeks before I see him is that we need to do the 20 week u/s with him due to the concerns about issues my lupus can cause in a fetus, including heart blockages. So that ultrasound is to be done by him… also that’s one of the major ultrasound points for growth checking and so on I guess, so my OB wants him to do it… and I assume he’ll want to do it as well. In between appointments with the perinatologist I’ll be seeing an OB in the practice I’m working with. Due to doctors being on call and having different days on and off due to that (and my ob also being a laparascopic surgeon) it will depend on the day and the week for who I see, but it will always be one of the OBs.
As I mentioned I will be on heparin. I need to get some blood work done (which we all forgot to have her order for me so I could get it done today) for baseline numbers and so my OB can communicate with the perinatologist so they can decide which levels of heparin I need to be on (prophylactic/preventative or therapeutic) depending on how the blood work comes back. I’ll also have tests done a couple days into heparin treatment to see how the levels are looking at that point. I will be (probably) taken off of the aspirin at this point, though Dr. P is talking with my rheumy to see what she recommends on the drug combo, especially since the rheumy is the one who originally had me on aspirin.

We also will definitely have to (somehow) make it to the hospital my OB works out of no matter the weather or amount of snow when I go into labor, if they’ll even let me try to deliver naturally, I’ll have to talk to both doctors about trying that. This could be interesting since I’m due in mid-January which is some of the worst snow (we’ve had to make it up there for appointments before for both of us at that time of year and nearly had to turn around because it was a total white out)…. However there is no way that there is a delivery happening at home or our local hospital at this point due to the risks involved with this pregnancy.

Eventually I’ll get my other planned posts done, but I’m dealing with a lot of fatigue with this pregnancy (not complaining, sleep is not a bad thing, just explaining), so right now the only posts I’m managing to get out are the ones that are keeping track of how things are progressing with the pregnancy – I had planned to keep this from becoming the main theme of my blog, as I know I have a lot of readers who are infertile or have fertility issues, but I was thinking about it last night, and my purpose for the blog has always been to talk about how my autoimmune health issues affect my life. Well my pregnancy is affected by those issues, and my life is most definitely affected by both, so I am still in the lines of my actual blog purpose. It was never a purely infertility blog. So I’m doing these updates so I can keep track of how everything is going.

I get tears in my eyes each time I think about the fact this is the longest lasting pregnancy so far. I have a ton of hope that that’s a good sign, and the fact that there is a heartbeat now gives me hope too, but there is also a part of me that is holding onto cynicism in an attempt to keep me from getting too attached and hurting even more than I already will if something happens.

Tomorrow is the first prenatal appointment. I’m not sure if we’ll be doing an u/s or not. There’s one scheduled for me, but it may be cancelled based on the fact I already had one done this week. Apparently even though I told the hospital to send the u/s from Monday up to my OB’s office and the tech wrote that on my paperwork, they still don’t have it, so the nurse who is working with my doctor right now is calling and bothering them about it this morning. She’ll get back to me later today about if we are still doing an u/s tomorrow or not, depending on what everything looks like from the hospital. As much as I want to see the embryo and heartbeat again, I’m also hoping we don’t have to do one, as it’s really uncomfortable to have my bladder full for any amount of time… and I’m back to having some UTI symptoms after the last one due to all the holding. Cranberry juice is also definitely a part of diet now, since I skipped it for two days and my symptoms are becoming stronger again… I’m not sure what all played a role in the UTI symptoms returning, but I’m going to guess it’s a combo of my having been late (by an hour or so) with a couple of doses the last couple days with my antibiotic, the amount of water I drank and had to hold in my bladder in the form of urine, and the fact I stopped my cranberry juice. So between that and my discomfort with having to hold a full bladder for any amount of time I don’t want to do another u/s right away. Plus I’m not comfortable with constant ultrasounds. And I’m still achy (endo all over, and my vaginal/rectal area) from the last one… not an easy thing to deal with.

I can’t wait to talk to my doctor about all of this and to mention the staff issues I’ve been having (issues with phone calls not being returned so I have to keep calling), I know she looks stuff over and responds, but I don’t get calls from the nurses. I’m so excited about all of this though, I’ve never been to the point of having any appointments for my pregnancies in the past. Johnny is going to be going with me, and we’ll see what the doctor has to say about a trip I’m supposed to be taking to pick up Gamer and Duckling from their other home, and to visit my family. Hopefully everything looks good tomorrow and the doctor will tell me to continue doing regular activities…. I’ve been having definite pain, but no bleeding, so I’m guessing everything is ok, and it’s just the endo and adhesions that sent me to ER the other night and have continued to cause me pain again. It’s just on one side that I’m having the massive pain, and although it could be just regular pregnancy pain, there is an overall conclusion that it’s the endo and adhesions, especially since that’s my worse side anyway. I’ll report back after the appointment tomorrow, and probably after I get some sleep as that drive wears me out when I’m not pregnant… with pregnancy fatigue on top of it I’m expecting to need at least a nap after we get home.

Continuing on from this post I went to bed after eating, though I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep right away between nerves, psyching myself up that things would be fine, and having to pee from all the fluids they gave me. I finally somehow managed to sleep for a bit before Johnny got home, then we cuddled for a bit and I slept a bit more until I needed to wake up and start making sure I had enough water in my system for the ultrasound (for some reason they wanted to do an outer ultrasound even though I’m not very far along, so it wasn’t likely to show up well), at which point my nerves went into overdrive. When I finally got to the hospital I was almost wetting myself, so I ended up going into the restroom while I waited and emptying my bladder part way before I was called back. It was a good thing because I barely made it through the ultrasound with the partially emptied bladder. We were able to see the sac, but I’m not super far along so we decided to do a transvag ultrasound to see if it would all show up better. So while I was changing the u/s tech went and grabbed a woman to stay in the room with us (the tech was a male) and she helped me get everything set up and covered so he could come back in and do his job. Then he had a screen set up so I could watch the ultrasound… it was sooooo cool! First we were not zoomed in very far, but we could see the sac more clearly. After that he zoomed in more and I got to see the heartbeat. At that point I started crying because it was so amazing! I’ve never made it that far before, and I’ve never had an ultrasound until after miscarrying, or when dealing with cysts. I think I worried the tech and the lady who was in there with us a bit because suddenly they were asking if I was alright, so I explained to them about the past miscarriages and never seeing this before, and the lady came over and held may hand and started pointing things out to me, it was soooo cool. I wish Johnny could have been there, but works was really rough on him Sunday night, so he was sleeping. He’ll be with me on Thursday when the ob does an u/s and we meet with her, so he’ll get to see it then, and he’s seen it before, so while he’s excited over our pregnancy, it’s not quite as big of a deal for him to see a heartbeat again. But he has been getting more and more excited, even as we are both feeling more and more cautious over everything. And of course I’m super excited. I have a lot of emotions going on as I’m that much more scared that something is going to go wrong the more attached I get to this pregnancy, but I’m also so extremely happy to have made it this far, I end up in tears every time I think about it, I’m extremely excited too! I can’t wait for Thursday whether the doctor does another ultrasound or not (I need to call and let them know I had one done and see if they want to do another or not), because I get to see and talk to my doctor and find out how she thinks things are looking. I think I’m also in shock about all of this, I never expected to see a pregnancy get so far, so while I’m extremely excited, I’m also terrified because I’m in such new territory. So there are a lot of emotions going on, but I’m pretty positive over all. There is a part of me that probably won’t accept that this is going to work until I’m actually in labor due to all that has gone on in the past, and that is trying to prepare me for the what if’s because I do need to protect myself some at this point since so much could still go wrong with the pregnancy, but I’m also super excited and positive. And that outweighs the rest of my emotions by far! 🙂
I think I’m going to check with the health department (I’m getting a few services through them) and see about getting some cheap or free counselling in town, since I definitely need it! I need it for a lot of reasons, but I really think it would help me process this pregnancy too… with all the emotions involved.

And on that note I’m off to lay down again… I’ll update more later… I’m still pretty worn out from all the missed sleep and all of the excitement. I know I had more I wanted to say, but it can wait for another post. 🙂

I’m sleepy and hurting and too distracted for a good post right now, but did want to put up that WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT! I’m still not entirely convinced this is going to work… too many miscarriages, but that is a good sign that it’s in my uterus and there is a heart beat. My ovaries didn’t want to cooperate and there was pain due to the endo around my rectum and bowels/back of my uterus, so there is definitely some endo stuff going on (not a shock), and I have the corpus luteum cyst which is probably adding to my discomfort….. so it seems to be the endo, cyst and adhesions combining with normal pregnancy movement to cause the pain. Neither of us (Johnny or I) are surprised by this, but it is a relief to know that’s what is happening.

So to sum up – there’s a heartbeat! Also, my endo and complications from the endo/surgeries and the pregnancy are conspiring for pain.

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