I’m on miscarriage 3 or 4 now. I don’t know for sure which because in January 2008 I had tissue come out like the last two miscarriages, and it was more painful than usual and all, but I never tested and I don’t remember the period being that much heavier than normal like the last 3. The tissue is the main thing that makes me wonder if that was a miscarriage. But I’ll never know, and until this month I’ve just left it at maybe, maybe not. However this month’s period/miscarriage is a lot like the pain that time. That was a point when we didn’t have money for me to get more birth control… this time is my first full cycle off of birth control (second period with no bcps). Although the bleeding is slowing down now (24 hours of heavy bleeding later… which since the last surgery isn’t as common) the pain is definitely still up there, and similar to the pain of my last miscarriage. Very similar in fact, just a bit lower on the pain scale…
This month I had a longer cycle than normal (if my period hadn’t started I’d be 31 days in as of the time I’m posting this) and had been having some weird symptoms for awhile now… at first I thought “I’m pregnant!”, in fact I even had what seems to have been a few spots of implantation bleeding a week ago. I tested twice last week, but never got a positive so I wrote it all off as my hormones re stabilizing from me going off the birth control again. I mean, anytime my hormones go through any change I end up with “pregnancy symptoms” (other than the spotting, which hasn’t happened before that I can think of… at least in relation to hormones regulating) so it wasn’t that much of a stretch to get myself thinking I was just going through my hormones going back to normal after the birth control. Like I said, this period has been heavy and different than normal though, so I’m going with it being another early miscarriage (the length of the pregnancy would be right in between the last two miscarriages). I have probably missed the tissue this time around, as I got up a few times during my sleeptime earlier to use the toilet and was not paying attention like I do when I’m awake to see if there was anything other than heavy bleeding. Not that I mind missing that, as much as it interests me to see it, and proves to me that it’s a miscarriage, it’s a relief not to have to see it on the emotional side of things. The thing that proves this is a miscarriage to me is that the only times I’ve cramped in this way (it’s a different type of cramp… I described it to a couple friends who have given birth they say it is a light contraction) have been the miscarriages.
I think I’ll just stop here for now, I’m sure there will be more posts dealing with all of this as time progresses, but I don’t know what else to say right now… just wanted to let you guys know what’s happening.

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