Or at least that’s how I feel….

I’m having pain in my left ovary and on my left side almost always…. I also have a lot of lower back pain almost continuously now, which means that my bowels and the back of my uterus are sticking together again…. :/ I’m sick of hormones and I’m sick of daily pain – because even if I’m not having endo pain, I’m having lupus pain due to the storms we get here…

Even during months we aren’t trying, I feel like a walking ovary – like my ovaries and uterus are becoming all that is important to me – that elusive pregnancy and baby, and the parts that are needed for it…. And that’s not something I like feeling. I’m able to concentrate on other people, and things about other people, but when it comes to myself, especially certain days of the month, I just feel like a set of ovaries and a uterus, an empty uterus. A failure. And I know I’m not a failure, but that doesn’t mean I’m good at convincing myself of that fact when I’m having one of those days …. I’m so tired of being a walking baby making machine that isn’t even managing to do that job right… :/