Pregnancy mentioned (not mine, I’m not pregnant at this point), and miscarriage as well (this is mine)!

A friend of mine found out yesterday that her sister is pregnant! This friend is an endo sister who is dealing with infertility…. and although she’s trying to be happy for her sister, she’s going through a wide range of emotions right now.

She just posted a status on a social networking site asking if she’d ever be able to sleep again. Now I don’t know for sure that it’s due to the news she received today or not, but that’s my guess as to what it’s about.

Reading that brought up all kinds of emotions and thoughts that have been pretty absent for the last couple weeks. It’s been a bit over a month since my miscarriage became a known fact to me (it was June 20th when I found out I was miscarrying, and that I’d been pregnant), and it’s now the 30th of July in my time zone. I’m sure part of this is me being exhausted, and part of it is that although day to day I’m doing well, overall I still struggle with this at times, it still is hard to deal with at times, and it still hurts at times.

I’m hurting for my friend, and hurting for me, and hurting for everyone else who has had to deal with this pain.

And I’m missing my baby tonight, as I’d have been midway through my second month now… and almost through it if you go by the period I had at that point. Having Gamer and Duckling has been incredible, but I’m struggling with the thought of having to take them back to their mom’s in about a month, as well as with the fact I don’t get to have “my own” by this time next year probably (my own is in quotes because although they don’t share a biological link with me, the kids are both my own kids just the same as any bio kid we ever are able to have, or any kid we ever adopt if we can’t have bio kids), and the fact I lost my baby.

And now I’m going to bed, because I’m way too tired, and that’s really not helping my emotions at all!!!!