Ok – an update on how I’m doing with the miscarriage. If you haven’t already, read this post on my miscarriage and this post on how I was doing. I had been… dealing. And having a lot of emotions. But I think I was also still in shock over the whole thing. Yesterday it hit me that not only had I miscarried, but I’d been pregnant. And, I mean, I’d known this… but it’s like it hadn’t hit me. I was happy because it meant I can get pregnant, because obviously I had been, but it hadn’t actually hit me “Hey, I was pregnant”… because by the time I knew I was, I was already miscarrying… so I hadn’t had time to absorb the whole pregnancy thing yet. I hadn’t had all the excitement and everything else. Yesterday morning right before we went to bed (Father’s Day) the fact I’d actually been pregnant, and had lost a baby hit me. And it hit me hard. All of a sudden it’s like I realized that I would have had a baby, but that baby was now gone from me…. and a whole new wave of emotions, mostly grief and sadness and all that sort of thing, it all hit me. And now… I’m still feeling everything I had been, but I’ve got this immense amount of pain going with it all. And these words just aren’t doing it justice. I know I’ll be ok emotionally, and I know that there is nothing keeping me from getting pregnant again, but right now I’m just… I’m grieving I suppose is the best way to put it. And it hurts. And it’s that much more confusing dealing with all my emotions, because I still feel the hope and everything, but I’ve got this heavier feeling of grief and sadness and it’s overwhelming, but there is still that hope in me trying to lift me out of it… and honestly I feel like I am on a roller coaster. And I guess that isn’t surprising.

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