Yes – totally emo here.

Between my period, and a lot of things that have happened over the last few days, which have canceled some things I was extremely excited about, and changed other things – I feel like I’m falling apart. I was holding together, in fact I’d say I was holding together incredibly well – then my period hit.

E and I have the same conversation every month around my period – shows just how much my hormones affect my depression (which isn’t nearly as bad around my period). I tell him I feel like everything is falling apart and I’m scared I’m following in my family’s footsteps with bi-polar, but I know it’s not extreme enough for that to actually be what’s going on. I feel like I go from (almost) manic in the week leading up to my period, to suddenly feeling my world is falling apart and wanting nothing more than to hide under the covers for my whole period. His response is always the same (and always correct – if I listen to him I get myself back to normal) “You need to chill”…. I could have this conversation in my sleep, but I always need to hear or see him tell me this before I realize the truth in it.

And once I listen – I feel calmer – maybe not less emo, maybe not a whole lot better, but I feel strong enough to face this day, and the next and the next and so on.

Some days I really hate being an adult – I wish I could just hide under the covers and let the world crash around me like I did when I was a teenager – at the same time though… I wouldn’t go back to those hard days even if I could. And honestly, each month I get a bit stronger, even if that strength seems to disappear when I first start my period, it gets easier each month to just chill – and to remember that all will be right, even if it doesn’t feel that way right in that moment.

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