May 2009


  • 03:40 RT @jeanneendo: TARGETDATE 4 NEW BLOG: JUNE 1ST. PLS PASS ON. JEANNE’S ENDO BLOG MOVING/GETTING NEW NAME! (Pls RT) bit.ly/12scRr #
  • 03:41 RT @BUTTERFLYWHEEL: β€œThe greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Nelson Mandela #
  • 06:19 Thanks all for the #FF and #Follow Friday s… πŸ™‚ #

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So – my right arm is now in a brace. And I’m typing this two handed actually, but it’s like 1 1/2 handed really – because I can’t use my right thumb, and I’m having pain using my right pinky… so it’s better if I hen peck with my right pointer finger and type regularly with my left hand. Please excuse any typos, etc…. as I am not typing my normal way. In 2004 I was diagnosed with De Quervains Tenosynovitis which – to my understanding is basically specific tendonitis. I have it in my right hand…. though it rarely affects me…. and I could get it diagnosed in my left as well, though I barely fit the diagnosis there, and I’ve never had it truly flare up… so, I am not too worried about it. I had actually forgotten all about that diagnosis, and when my wrist has bugged me in the past year or so I blamed it on the lupus, since I knew it was coming, and then was diagnosed with it. Looking back – I think I have *almost* fit diagnostic criteria for the past 6 or 7 years for lupus, it’s just never been to the extreme it reached when I was diagnosed. A couple days ago (well I guess over a week ago now, last… Tuesday or Wednesday) my wrist started swelling just past the joint, and I developed a lump. I was having some pain, so I iced it, took some alleve, and wrapped it for a bit. As it wasn’t getting better I started remember the last time I felt this pain, and this badly – it was in 2004. I quickly put the pieces together and looked up the De Quervain’s and realized it was that flaring again… so I started trying to not use that hand at all (really tough when you are right handed and its your right hand that hurts).. and icing it, taking NSAIDs and trying to do home care. Tuesday when I picked my sister in law up from work I was hurting so bad I couldn’t even use that hand to drive. Yesterday morning I went and bought the wrist brace that is now living on my arm lol! My good brace, which was provided by the doctor who diagnosed me, is in a box in storage, and my storage is currently VERY unavailable to me – like 1k miles or so away. So I purchased this one that is… acceptable. It’ll work for now, though the other offers much better support, and since it’s made for right hands specifically (this one is ambidextrous) it doesn’t hurt my hand, like the one I have now does. But this one will work, and hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon!
If you don’t hear from me for awhile – that’s why!

So – my right arm is now in a brace. And I’m typing this two handed actually, but it’s like 1 1/2 handed really – because I can’t use my right thumb, and I’m having pain using my right pinky… so it’s better if I hen peck with my right pointer finger and type regularly with my left hand. Please excuse any typos, etc…. as I am not typing my normal way. In 2004 I was diagnosed with De Quervains Tenosynovitis which – to my understanding is basically specific tendonitis. I have it in my right hand…. though it rarely affects me…. and I could get it diagnosed in my left as well, though I barely fit the diagnosis there, and I’ve never had it truly flare up… so, I am not too worried about it. I had actually forgotten all about that diagnosis, and when my wrist has bugged me in the past year or so I blamed it on the lupus, since I knew it was coming, and then was diagnosed with it. Looking back – I think I have *almost* fit diagnostic criteria for the past 6 or 7 years for lupus, it’s just never been to the extreme it reached when I was diagnosed. A couple days ago (well I guess over a week ago now, last… Tuesday or Wednesday) my wrist started swelling just past the joint, and I developed a lump. I was having some pain, so I iced it, took some alleve, and wrapped it for a bit. As it wasn’t getting better I started remember the last time I felt this pain, and this badly – it was in 2004. I quickly put the pieces together and looked up the De Quervain’s and realized it was that flaring again… so I started trying to not use that hand at all (really tough when you are right handed and its your right hand that hurts).. and icing it, taking NSAIDs and trying to do home care. Tuesday when I picked my sister in law up from work I was hurting so bad I couldn’t even use that hand to drive. Yesterday morning I went and bought the wrist brace that is now living on my arm lol! My good brace, which was provided by the doctor who diagnosed me, is in a box in storage, and my storage is currently VERY unavailable to me – like 1k miles or so away. So I purchased this one that is… acceptable. It’ll work for now, though the other offers much better support, and since it’s made for right hands specifically (this one is ambidextrous) it doesn’t hurt my hand, like the one I have now does. But this one will work, and hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon!
If you don’t hear from me for awhile – that’s why!

Yes – totally emo here.

Between my period, and a lot of things that have happened over the last few days, which have canceled some things I was extremely excited about, and changed other things – I feel like I’m falling apart. I was holding together, in fact I’d say I was holding together incredibly well – then my period hit.

E and I have the same conversation every month around my period – shows just how much my hormones affect my depression (which isn’t nearly as bad around my period). I tell him I feel like everything is falling apart and I’m scared I’m following in my family’s footsteps with bi-polar, but I know it’s not extreme enough for that to actually be what’s going on. I feel like I go from (almost) manic in the week leading up to my period, to suddenly feeling my world is falling apart and wanting nothing more than to hide under the covers for my whole period. His response is always the same (and always correct – if I listen to him I get myself back to normal) “You need to chill”…. I could have this conversation in my sleep, but I always need to hear or see him tell me this before I realize the truth in it.

And once I listen – I feel calmer – maybe not less emo, maybe not a whole lot better, but I feel strong enough to face this day, and the next and the next and so on.

Some days I really hate being an adult – I wish I could just hide under the covers and let the world crash around me like I did when I was a teenager – at the same time though… I wouldn’t go back to those hard days even if I could. And honestly, each month I get a bit stronger, even if that strength seems to disappear when I first start my period, it gets easier each month to just chill – and to remember that all will be right, even if it doesn’t feel that way right in that moment.

  • 00:02 RT @augnbudsmom: http://www.lupus.org PRT Please learn about this Misunderstood Autoimune disease! #

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I’m not going into the hows and whys and all that here, you want to know email me and we’ll talk…..
My sister in law (nb) moved in with us today. It may just be a couple days while the situation calms down that ended up putting her in with us, or it may be a permanent thing. I’m hoping for the second option – well… longterm, not permanent, she’ll be getting a place of her own in a couple years I’m sure. But for now, she’ll be living with us I hope. She’s a great girl, and she has a lot of potential. She’s working at a local nursing home in the dietary stuff, and she will be going to school to become a CNA starting with the fall semester! πŸ™‚ I really hope this all works out.
We’ve lived together before, so we know it’ll work out just fine to live together. I’m saddened by the circumstances that led to this, though they aren’t unexpected, and happy to have her here!

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