I also will be taking plenty of snacks and drinks, making sure ALL my meds (even ones only taken once a day) are accessible, as well as other medications (OTC) that can help. I’ll make sure the icy hot is available for sore joints, and to have some heat and ice packs that are usable on the go.

Stress is a big factor to prepare for, and to do so I will be making sure I have things that help me calm down available. For me spearmint candies help to calm me down. I’ll also have my favorite blankets in reach, and be wearing extra soft clothing. I will make sure the music we have with us is calming for me. I’ll be dressing in layers to help with the fact my husband stays warmer than I do, and will want the heater down before I do. I will have my photo album close by so that I can stop and look at pictures of my family if I need to, as a reminder of why I’m putting my body through more stress than usual by doing this trip.

To help prevent some of the stress in the last couple of days before we leave I have started packing non-essential items now, and getting refills on my prescriptions so that I’m set with my medications. I am doing a bit each night so that I can go to bed after, and making sure I have plenty of time to get everything done so that it’s not needing to be rushed the last couple of nights.

As I mentioned my husband and my comfort animal will both be with me, which will help with stress as well, as I can use Mischief for comfort as needed, and my husband will be with me to talk me through as we go.

Note: Before I go further, this is not an actual Battlefield game, this post is made without the permission to use the Battlefield name, it is all just me attempting to smile while VERY uncomfortable. I don’t know what disclaimers I should put and what not, so I’m putting this. It is not in any way meant to insinuate that this is a real game, or that I in any way have anything to do with the Battlefield games, or the maker of said games.

Now on to the post.

So I’m on a larger dose of lithium, the max I can personally safely take (based on blood tests), and I started it last night. And with that larger dose started the war in my guts between lithium and IBS-C. (Not officially diagnosed, but it’s what my doctors and I suspect based on the symptoms I have, and my other health history.) ….. So in order to laugh rather than cry I started saying that it’s Battlefield: Guts…. because I gotta tell you, it’s not pretty, and it hurts, and that’s just my best option.

Those posts will also be cross posted here.

I’m not quite sure what I’ll be posting about, though I have some ideas. Expect my blog to get back to my autoimmune health issues again, since that’s what I will definitely be posting about, in one way or another.

Mischief and George in the recliner. They don’t lay on a bed together like this very often, so I had to share.

Well I went and read about half a book, played said video game (glitch) then decided to climb in bed for awhile and hopefully get some sleep.

Rather than sleeping I started thinking about my beliefs, and the need for balance and all that.

I started thinking about how my grieving, it’s just that, MY grieving. It does help me, but there comes a point where it gets to be all that I am and all that I do, and that’s not healthy. It’s also not healthy to go to the other extreme and stuff all my grief away.

Lily is gone. I believe that when we die we are just gone, that there is nothing ever. That’s one thing that has made losing Lily both easier and harder. My grief, it doesn’t bring her back, it doesn’t make her more dead, it doesn’t make anything different in the thing that matters most to me (with my grief), my daughter and her life.

Grieving can be very healthy, and I will always miss her, and I suspect I’ll always hurt, but that doesn’t mean I have to take my grieving to selfish levels, or that taking it there is healthy by any means.

So I sit here and try to find the balance, and feel thankful that at least for a few minutes, I’m now feeling peace.

The ones that seem to work either don’t make it through the hormones on my period, or I get too much serotonin and end up having all sorts of issues with acting out my dreams physically.

And the risperdal works for my mania, but not my depression. I can up the dose a bit more and still sort of function, and maybe it’ll help my depression, but I’m too tiny for much more in my system.

We’ll see what comes next…. I’m going in this week to start the paperwork for abilify since that’s why my doc had mentioned as the next possibility…. hopefully I can get it free or really cheap or I can’t even try it. :/

Yes I was excited to dress Lily up in her first costume and take her trick or treating (health allowing for both of us of course), but….. I didn’t think it was as big a deal as my grief is making it.

This is just ripping my heart out all over again.

On the IUD/endo front things are… interesting. The good news is that my periods are much lighter, almost to the point of non-existent as far as bleeding goes. The bad news is that this month I’m having a terrible period pain wise….. yesterday was the worst, but today hasn’t been fun (though I have managed to just get by with OTC meds today for pain)….

(Hopefully the picture actually posts here!)