I’ve had friends sharing pictures of their kids throughout the day with it being Hallowe’en. I also have friends with babies or toddlers. I’ve been doing okay with all of this. Then the trick or treaters hit. We didn’t have many, but there were some. One of the trick or treaters was a neighbor who has a daughter who is either one or two years old. And it all hit me. I did the math, I’ve had two miscarriages in 3 1/2 months, between the day before Father’s Day and the middle of October (the 13th or so I believe). I had been avoiding counting how close together they were, but then I got curious as to how far along I’d have been if I hadn’t miscarried. And I realized I’d have been around 5 months if the first pregnancy had stuck and around 2 months if the second had. I’ve just been going with the general “two miscarriages in six months” statement… but then I realized that I’d have only been around 5 months, and became curious how much closer together they were. So tonight I’m letting myself feel and mourn. I’ve been doing so all along, but the … 4 days or so it had become easier and I was doing…. better I suppose is the right word. I was more of myself again. Now I’m sitting here sad and thinking and hurting. And I’m letting myself, as long as I don’t sink into a pattern of darkness and depression, because I need to let myself grieve. I didn’t do that the first time around (although at the time I didn’t realize just how much I was burying) and ended up being a mess a month or month and a half later. I refuse to do that again! I will be talking to a counselor on Monday (and doing other things as well) and that will help a bunch. But for tonight I’m feeling and grieving and internalizing some. And honestly, it’s what I need to do right now.
October 31, 2009
I didn’t expect this to be so rough…
Posted by autoimmunelife under Uncategorized | Tags: infertility, miscarriage, motherhood, pregnancy |[3] Comments
November 1, 2009 at 8:18 am
I’m so glad you can see a counselor on Monday *hugs*
I’m also glad you are recognizing you need to grieve and allowing yourself to do so. It’s not easy (it sucks, it’s so much easier to push it away).
You’re doing great J, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are. *hugs* And I’m here for you.
November 2, 2009 at 10:40 am
So sorry for your losses and the pain it brings you. But I am so glad you are allowing yourself private moments of release and grief–we all need to grant ourselves moments to feel what we feel.
Your insight into your own mind and heart is a true resource for others. I felt pieces of me in your description of you. Having just, at 30, gone through my second lap for endo in 1 year and knowing the longer I wait for children the smaller my chances of conception are.
I know my mother suffered through the miscarriages, many, before she adopted me and I feel my life following suit. But it is a wait and see and all we can do in the meantime is care for ourselves as best as possible and give ourselves moments to feel what we feel.
All my best and glad to have found your blog and your post.
Teresa over at http://myembodiment.wordpress.com
November 3, 2009 at 1:10 pm
J,
I am so sorry for your loss and I’m really glad you’re seeing a counselor. I’m proud of you for dealing with all of the traumatic events you’ve had with such grace. I’m sending positive energy your way…
Jeanne